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Dear Deanna


Dear Deanna,

My husband is very forgetful at times. Could be something as little as taking the trash out or putting the clothes in the dryer. When I remind him, he gets annoyed “I got it”. What other ways can I remind him? I’ve tried post-it notes and that drove him crazy. Thanks!

Nancy J.

Dear Nancy,

Isn’t that the bane of all partner’s experience! Not getting what we want or fear of losing what we have is the driving force behind many of life’s greatest suffering. The truth is, as frustrating as this may be, you CANNOT get him (or anyone) to do anything, PERIOD. There are several angles by which we can look at this. First, there is the simple fact that if you lived alone you would have to do all the tasks around the house anyway, so one could say, just do them with kindness and joy and be surprised when you get some help. If that answer does not light you up, I would suggest communication. That requires both partners buying into an agreement as to what each person is responsible for around the house. Each person doing their part and being engaged. If your partner is not holding up his/her side, you are forced once again with the fact you cannot make anyone do anything.

My home is my sanctuary. I decided to use the 5 x 5 rule. The five by five rule means you shouldn’t spend more than five minutes worrying about something that won’t matter in five years. When an issue arises, I ask myself will
this task take 5 minutes? If so, I do it! I have found that by taking on my own happiness and being 100% responsible for that I am very selective what I allow to really drive me crazy. At the root of it, I cannot remember much of what happened last month let alone five years ago – so make today the most magnificent you can!


Book a session now! You can contact Deanna Haefner Transitional Personal Coach at:




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